


Hypersexuality

by CoffeeAddict80



Series: Desperate Times... 'verse [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Psychoanalytical Technobabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 09:01:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10510557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAddict80/pseuds/CoffeeAddict80
Summary: ((One-shot in the Desperate Times ‘Verse. You should probably read that story first. This takes place about 2 weeks before the epilogue begins.))@itallstartedwithharry prompted: if you were ever interested I'd really like to learn more about Blaine's hyper sexuality, when he realized it and how he's dealt with it or something? I'm sure it's something former partners have abused. Or maybe there was a video script going around the company making hyper sexuality into a kink by exaggerating it and Blaine is kinda triggered/offended





	

**Author's Note:**

> you can't even begin to imagine how excited I was to see this prompt. I didn't think anyone (other than me) would want an explanation of this. I sort-of went full-on geek with my explanations though. thanks for allowing me to show you all my nerdy side :)

Kurt and Blaine were cuddling on Blaine’s couch, just talking and trying to get to learn more about each other, when Kurt thought of a question that he wasn’t sure how to approach. “Can I ask you a really personal question,” he began, cautiously.

“Of course you can. You know that,” Blaine answered.

“I’ve heard you say that you are hypersexual a few times. And I guess I was just wondering: what _exactly_ does that mean? Because I get the impression that it’s more than just an increased sex drive. And I just want to try to understand a little more,” Kurt replied.

“That’s a pretty loaded question. But I’ll do my best to explain,” he started. “Basically, hypersexuality is, in layman’s terms, sex addiction. But it’s also _more_ than that. I was diagnosed with it when I was a senior in highschool.”

“Wait. Hold on a sec. _Diagnosed_?” Kurt said, cutting him off. “You mean this is, like, a medical thing that you’ve seen a doctor about? It’s not just a term for someone that likes to have a lot of sex?”

Blaine shook his head. “Hypersexuality is actually a _legitimate_ neuropsychobiological disorder. When I was in highschool, my parents had found part of my porn collection and became extremely concerned with how much time I spent masturbating. And you know my dad is a doctor, right? Well, he knew that there was something very wrong with my excessive masturbation – and when I say ‘excessive’, I mean way, _way_ , more than what is considered ‘normal’ for a teenage boy. He wanted to make sure that there wasn’t a medical reason for it; so I went to see my family doctor to get some tests done. Everything came back negative; so my doctor suggested to my parents that maybe the problem was psychological instead. I had an appointment with a psychiatrist and – after several _more_ tests – she finally diagnosed me as hypersexual. She said that from everything I told her, it seemed like I had been that way for at least the past 2 years. So, basically, I’ve been hypersexual since I was 15ish; but didn’t get officially diagnosed until I was 17.

“When someone is hypersexual, there is this neurochemical that gets released whenever we engage in a sexual behavior or have intense sexual fantasies. That neurochemical gives us this temporary ‘high’. That ‘high’ is what compels us to continue with these sexual behaviors; we become _addicted_ to it. We’re basically junkies looking for our next fix. However, since that neurochemical isn’t a physical, tangible drug, a lot of people consider hypersexuality to be a _compulsion_ , rather than addiction – kind of like gambling. There really isn’t a way to wean you off of it. You just have to find ways to help you manage it instead,” he explained.

“Wow, okay. So I guess my next question is: what exactly are you managing? And how exactly are you managing it?” Kurt asked.

“Different people experience different symptoms. My particular symptoms are: unusually high sex drive; intense sexual fantasies; excessive sexual behaviors and urges; using sex and sexual fantasies as an escape from reality; or as a mood regulator in response to stress, anxiety, depression, and/or boredom; excessive viewing of pornographic videos or pictures; emotional detachment from sexual partners – only in the case of the guys at work, not you; and engaging in quote-unquote ‘unusual’ sexual behaviors, such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, and BDSM.

“To clarify, the reason I _don’t_ have an emotional detachment from _you_ during sex is because our emotional bond is based off of non-sexual interaction. So any sexual interaction with you isn’t emotionless because it encompasses that bond and actually strengthens it. But with the other guys at work, I don’t have any personal interaction with them at all; just a professional affiliation. And a part of that is _because_ of my hypersexuality. To go back to that junkie analogy I used earlier: if I’m a junkie and sex is my drug, then the guys at work are just the needle that injects it; once I get my fix, I don’t have a use for that needle anymore, so I discard it.

“As far as managing my hypersexuality…well, being a porn star helps; a lot. Luckily, I’m good at it too; so Eric wants me to be in a ton of videos. And I try to film as often as possible. Even though I’m _really_ picky about who I do penetration scenes with, I have _very_ low standards when it comes to everything else. So I wind up doing a ton of non-penetration videos; videos that consist of just blowjobs, hand jobs, frottage…things like that. I also wind up doing a lot of masturbation videos too. Plus, about 90% of the videos I do usually has me having more than one orgasm.

“My depression both helps and doesn’t help at the same time. Depression and anti-depressants actually lower a person’s sex drive. For some people it disappears all together. While my sex drive _has_ significantly decreased since I’ve been on anti-depressants, it’s still considered above average since it was so much higher to begin with. But at the same time, being depressed _doesn’t_ help because I use sex as a mood regulator. So when I start feeling any negative emotion, such as depression, I try to counteract it with sex.

“One thing that I was taught to do that seems to help a little, is for me to use sex as a reward system. Like, I’ll tell myself I can’t watch porn or masturbate until I’ve finished my chores or schoolwork. That way I don’t neglect my responsibilities. It forces me to focus on something other than sex. That technique doesn’t work for everyone, but it does help me out sometimes; although, if my sexual urges are _too_ strong, I won’t be able to concentrate on anything until I’ve done something about them.

“Plus I buy lots of sex toys and masturbate a lot; which you would think would be the opposite of managing my condition, but it’s not. Because masturbation helps me to avoid engaging in sexual activity with random people.

“And of course, I’m in therapy. My psychiatrist actually specializes in helping patients with sexual disorders and sexual traumas. Both of which I have. But she is also fully-trained to help me with my _other_ issues as well,” Blaine explained.

Kurt nodded in understanding, and scrunched his face up in thought. “I see. That’s kind of a lot to take in. So, you said you have been dealing with all of this since you were _15_? But…I thought you had said that you were 16 when you had your first boyfriend? And he tried to drug you because you weren’t ready to have sex with him? But if you were dealing with all of these symptoms at the time, how is that possible?” he asked. Kurt then rushed to add, “I’m not saying that I don’t believe you! I do; I promise! I’m just really confused right now and trying to make sense of everything and figure things out.”

“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I understand. I know that without _all_ the facts it doesn’t make much sense,” Blaine responded. He then let out a deep sigh and tried to explain, “My highschool boyfriend, Sebastian, had already had sex with a few guys before I started dating him. So he was ready for us to start having sex mere _minutes_ into our relationship. And it’s not like I didn’t _want_ to have sex with him; I did. I wanted it so bad. I even had several intense fantasies about it; imagining I was with him instead of my vibrator. And we actually did do _some_ sexual things together. But I was holding back when it came to having _anal sex_ ; which is what he wanted from me.

“When I was growing up, I was raised to believe that sex was something that you should only do with someone that you have a deep emotional connection with. And I didn’t have that with him. So anytime things got too heated between us, I pulled back; because I had this nagging sensation in the back of my head that kept telling me it was _wrong_ to go through with it; despite the fact that my body was craving it. I always felt guilty and ashamed for wanting to have sex with him knowing that I didn’t have any real feelings for him beyond lust and infatuation. That’s why the only sexual things I ever did with him were over-the-clothes hand jobs. Well, okay, a few times I actually stuck my hand down his pants to give him a skin-on-skin hand job; but the point is: both of us were always fully clothed at the time. Neither of us ever saw the other’s dick. And I continued to date him because I thought that those feelings might eventually develop over time. I wanted to give him a chance.

“And I know that me having this belief might sound strange since I watched so much porn. I _knew_ that the guys in those videos weren’t in love, nor did they have any deep bonds with the guys they were with. And I knew that there were people that had consensual sex with strangers all the time. Hell, I even knew that my own _brother_ had flings and one-night stands with people he didn’t care about. But I’ve always been a stickler for the rules. I was a goody-two-shoes. So when I was taught that sex was _special_ , and that I shouldn’t be having it unless I shared this bond with my partner, I really took that to heart. It became _so_ important to me.

“I told Sebastian I wasn’t ready for anything more than what we were already doing. I told him that I needed sex to mean something – to _both_ of us. For some reason, he thought that the best way to remove that mental block – that was preventing me from taking that step – was to drug me. He figured that once we had sex, I would see that I’d been worried about nothing and I would stop resisting his advances.”

“Oh my god, honey; I’m so sorry,” Kurt said, hugging Blaine close.

“Thank you,” Blaine replied. “But it’s okay. I don’t mean what he did was okay; I mean you wanting to know about it is okay. We should be able to talk to each other about these things. Learn about the bad parts of each other’s lives as well as the good. That way we can better understand each other, right?”

Kurt nodded in reply. “Can I ask: what changed? I mean, you said you only wanted to have sex with someone once an emotional bond was formed; but…you don’t feel that way now. What made you change your mind?”

“Part of it was talking to the therapist that diagnosed me. She helped me to feel less guilty about wanting sex. Talked to me a lot about consent and helped me understand that it wasn’t wrong if both parties were on the same page. And I agreed with her to a point. But that belief was so ingrained into me – and had become such an important part of me – it wasn’t easy to get over.

“And then I moved to New York and started dating Austin, the druggie. When I told him why I was still a virgin, he said it sounded like I was equating sex to intimacy. He also told me that it seemed like, whenever I talked about sex, I was referring strictly to _anal_ sex. Then he reminded me that – for two gay guys – sex can mean many different things; we can still have sex without any intimacy or penetration involved. He told me that if I needed time to be comfortable with anal sex that that was fine. We could go slow; start with hand jobs, work our way up to blowjobs, then maybe skin-on-skin frottage. That way I wasn’t _completely_ holding myself back from things that we both wanted. I realized he was right. I had no issues with any of those things; I didn’t feel guilty or ashamed whenever I thought about doing them with him. So I let myself have what I wanted; let myself explore my own sexuality. I still had that emotional detachment from him though; so I never allowed myself to have anal sex with him.

“And you already know Daniel and I never did more than just a few blowjobs. Which brings me Stephen. I told you how manipulative he was, right? Well, he knew about my reservations with having anal sex. And unlike my previous boyfriends, he also knew I was hypersexual. I never told Austin or Daniel because I was worried about how they might react. But Stephen picked up on things a lot faster; so when he asked me about it, I told him the truth. He used that information against me and somehow convinced me that I did have _real_ feelings for him; so that I would let him fuck me without feeling guilty for it. Once I experienced anal sex with a real person, instead of just a toy, I was hooked. I couldn’t go back to _not_ having it. I _needed_ it.

“My current therapist explained how sex and intimacy can mean two very different things. And that I didn’t have to deprive myself of anal sex just because there wasn’t an emotional attachment. She told me that, because of my hypersexuality, she was worried that if I tried going cold-turkey, that my urges might build and build until they burst; and an innocent person could get hurt.

“So I decided that I _had_ to figure out a way to mentally distinguish between sex and intimacy, so that I could allow myself to have the things that my body was craving. And I did finally figure it out, but I still have this weird hang-up about it. It’s complicated; and not really something that I can explain. There has to be certain criteria met before I allow myself to be with someone like that. That’s why I’m so damn picky about who I will do penetration scenes with at work,” Blaine told him.

“The more I hear about Stephen, the more I hate him,” Kurt replied, bitterly. “Just out of curiosity, since you mentioned not telling any of your other exes about it, who knows that you’re hypersexual?”

“It’s kind of a short list actually. Obviously you, my doctors and my parents know; but also my brother, Santana, and Eric. And, unfortunately, Stephen,” Blaine answered. “I actually never had any plans to tell Eric about it though. But I did; because a few months after I started working at TEG, there was this one director – that no longer works at the company – that had written a script that he specifically wanted _me_ to perform. It was basically fetishizing hypersexuality. Only…the way he had written it, it was a bastardization of what it’s _actually_ like to live with this disorder. And I know that a lot of the videos we do there over-exaggerate things and/or suspend reality for the sake of storytelling; but I just felt _so_ personally offended by the things that were written. I flipped out on the guy. I told him to shove his script up his ass and go to hell. Told him I’d never perform in another video that he wrote or directed ever again then stormed out of the room.

“Later, Eric called me into his office to talk to me, to find out what happened; because he knew that wasn’t like me to do. So I broke down and I told him that I was actually hypersexual myself; and that everything about that script just rubbed me the wrong way. The fact that someone could take something that I _struggle_ with every day and turn it into something desirable – something to be _admired_ and lusted after – just made me sick to my stomach. The director had made the hypersexual character into this guy with no cares or worries; it wasn’t a _disorder_ for him. Then I told Eric that _that_ was the exact reason I don’t tell people that I’m hypersexual. Because people don’t take it seriously, and try to turn it into a fetish; they don’t understand the things that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. Instead of disciplining me for my outburst, Eric was really understanding of everything that I told him; and asked me if there was anything that he could do to help make things easier for me. He really is an amazing boss to have,” he said.

Kurt gave Blaine a curious glance. “But I don’t understand. If this is something that you don’t talk about – that you don’t tell people – then why did you tell _me_ that you were hypersexual before we had even finished filming our first movie; barely 2 weeks after we started talking to each other? In fact, you practically admitted to it that first day I came over here to ask about the porn industry; just…without giving it a proper name.”

“You were different,” Blaine answered, simply. “I trusted you. The thought that you might want to use that information against me never even crossed my mind; like it did with other people. You felt safe to me; even then.”

Kurt was so touched by what Blaine said that he grabbed Blaine’s face and kissed him fiercely. When the kiss finally broke, he rested his forehead against Blaine’s, reveling in the closeness. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too. Santana will be home soon; so what do you say we move this conversation into my room and I can show you just how much?” Blaine asked, flirtatiously.

Instead of replying with words, Kurt pulled Blaine up off the couch and practically dragged him down the hall to the bedroom.

 


End file.
